


For once I'm serious

by crescentbin



Series: Nine Percent Drabbles [2]
Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), nex7 - Fandom, 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Depression, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, i guess, please read the tags, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-05-30 05:55:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15090434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescentbin/pseuds/crescentbin
Summary: Based off my day, I'm writing my feelings out.SUICIDE ATTEMPT and DEPRESSION! If this makes you uncomfortable or is a trigger for you, PLEASE DON'T READ MY STORY!





	For once I'm serious

Justin was really tired. Arguments were always sucky and he didn't like them. Especially between his close friend group. Quanzhe, Wenjun, Zhengting, Zeren, Xinchun Chengcheng and himself. 

 

Something had happened where they excluded Xinchun and he was definitely hurt. Of course, it wasn't supposed to happen. It was just a group chat. It shouldn't have held so much significance. But yet here he was, all of them having apologized to Xinchun many times. Chengcheng most of all, since he had initiated it all. 

 

He really wasn't sure what he could do to make it better. Stupid Zeren said some dumb shit about Xinchun and Quanzhe was getting mad at him over text. (No, you don't play the victim! He's hurt, just say sorry for hell's sake)

 

Justin was sick of being one of the only people with enough damn sense to figure everything out. He and Quanzhe supposed Zhengting had told him, and it was fine. Zhengting was too nice for his own good and if Xinchun had asked, he would definitely have told him.

 

He sighed. He had talked to Xinchun, who had talked everything with Chengcheng and Zeren and seemed okay (He had asked Zhengting to make sure.) Quanzhe was texting Zhengting about the story of how the hell Xinchun found out. 

 

Justin: You good?

 

Justin texted Chengcheng. Sure, he technically was the offender or whatever, but Chengcheng was never too stable. Neither Xinchun or Zhengting was either, but Justin deemed them to be fine. 

 

He didn't get a reply until an hour and half later. And he almost got a heart attack along with it.

 

Cheng: Not really

Cheng: I want to kill myself

Cheng: For once I'm serious

 

His best friend couldn't die. He couldn't do that to him, would he do that? Leave him all alone? Well, he would have the other 5, but Cheng was different.

 

Justin: Don't you dare

Justin: I'm coming over

 

He just hoped he wasn't too late.

 

Cheng: Okay.

 

Justin rushed out of his room, pulling a hoodie over his head and stuffed on a pair of shoes and ran down to Chengcheng's house, about a block away. The from door was unlocked and Justin barged in without bothering to knock. Nobody but Cheng was probably home anyway. He ran up the stairs, two at a time and shoved the door open, almost breaking it. The older shoved some stuff under his bed just as Justin came in. 

 

"Justin." Chengcheng looked up at him from his bed, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

 

"Cheng, why?" Justin didn't want him to do this. it was a simple argument, it didn't need to go this far. It didn't.

 

"I hurt him." The older wouldn't meet his eyes, rather, he looked down at his hands, toying with them.

 

"No, Chengcheng." Xinchun was hurt. But he was okay now. It was alright, but to Chengcheng….

 

"I'm complete shit." He burst all of a sudden, burying his face in a pillow. Justin sat down beside him on the bed. 

 

"No Cheng, you're not." Justin attempted to pull the older back into a sitting position but he was determined not to. 

 

"I don't deserve nice people like you in my life," He half murmured, half cried into his pillow and it was barely audible. 

 

"Yes you do. Cheng, you deserve everything. You're still an amazing person. You're capable." Justin could also feel himself tearing up. "Everyone makes mistakes." He added.

 

"I make too many." No. Chengcheng didn't make too many mistakes. Rather, he was quite the perfect human being if that were to exist. He was different in the best way possible. 

 

"No, you make as many mistakes as any other person out there." Justin disagreed. He wondered why the taller believed all those things about himself when in reality, very little, if not none at all, were true.

 

"My parents don't like me either. Bing jie is the perfect one, they always compare me to her." Bingbing. She was Chengcheng's much older sister and a very famous actress. 

 

"Your parent's opinion isn't everything, Cheng," Justin argued. Chengcheng's parents somehow expected Chengcheng to be just like Bingbing when they couldn't. They were two separate human beings with perks of their own. 

 

"I don't want you here while I'm like this." The older boy weakly threw a stuffed animal from his bed at Justin, who caught it easily. 

 

"I can't trust you," Justin disagreed but immediately saw how Chengcheng was definitely hurt by it. "No. Let me rephrase that. I can't trust what you might do in a situation like this."

 

"Justin, I don't deserve all this. I'm just doing what I was supposed to." Chengcheng really seemed like he believed all this. but why? Why would he? And why was Justin so convinced that Chengcheng was absolutely perfect?

 

"Ge." Justin paused. "This isn't what you're supposed to do. I know you don't want to do this. You're strong. Strong enough to have gone through so much." And it was true. Chengcheng was possibly the strongest person he knew, maybe after Zhengting and it pained him that he was in such a state. Without him, he himself might not have made it all the way here. 

 

"What already happened won't stop me." Chengcheng sat back up now, tears still streaming down his face slowly. 

 

"Okay." There was a pause as Justin debated. He didn't want to say it of course. But it would work. And he was desperate. "If not for yourself then, think about me. If I'm not able to happen then I will take it as my fault...." He trailed off before picking up again. "Even Zhengting. You know he's going to blame himself. And maybe even Xinchun. It's going to end up bad for all of us and you know it."

 

"Justin...." Chengcheng seemed unsure of what to say.

 

Justin really wasn't sure what else to do. So he did as his instinct told him to and pulled the older boy closer to him, wrapping his arms around him tight as he continued crying silently. At some point, Chengcheng stopped crying.

 

Justin wasn't sure why he did it, but he did something very out of place. 

 

He kissed Chengcheng. 

 

That made sense now. Why he was so special to him. Why he hadn't told anyone else but ran over himself as fast as he could. Why Chengcheng was just /different/ from the others. It made sense.

 

Justin's phone buzzed with a whole bunch of text messages and he peered over at his phone and frowned a bit.  

 

"I like you, ge. And I really hope that gives you a good enough reason." 

 

Chengcheng was sitting there, staring at the wall. 

**Author's Note:**

> Based on actual events. But this was just me an a platonic friend and it was over text. I am Justin.
> 
> Hope this isn't too messy. Feel free to yell at me in the comments or on Tumblr @multifangirl-char!


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